Therapy Thoughts

Forgiving is not Forgetting

We often link the two…“forgive and forget”.

But to do that is almost impossible especially if something has been particularly painful.

It is also not very wise as it means you go on as if the hurt hadn’t happened. Part of life’s learning is to learn to self protect.This is done based on changing behaviour and beliefs because of what you have learnt…so forgetting is as I said...unwise.

I have always thought and felt this, but at times thought.. I just hadn’t evolved enough to…”forgive and forget”.

The other day I listened to Jack Kornnfield speak and to my delight he said just that.

Jack Kornfield is a leading figure in American psychology. He has a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology. He was born Jewish and became, and a still is, a Buddhist monk. He is the author of several excellent books…So an appropriate authority.

Now I feel a new confidence in separating the two concepts.

Not to forgive leaves you prisoner to the past. It prevents your emotional freedom. The other person/people may not even know that you even still think of them…their power continues.

Forgiveness is the emotional part…that needs to be set free.

Forgetting is the cognitive part…that’s learning.

Warm regards



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